A Statistically Significant Love Song

Tom : F#m
A F#m
Today. I found my love today
D E
Everybody says they knew long ago
A F#m
But I am not that way
D E
I demand evidence before I say I know
A F#m
Finally it came to me: My theory’s confirmed
D E
In all my experiments I have seen a trend
A F#m
The null hypothesis is not at all sustained
D
It’s very likely
E
That you are more than a friend

[Chorus 1]
A E/G# F#m D
I love you more than the median
A E/G# F#m D
I am certain cause the p-value is 0.01
A C#/G# D Bm7
Our love is blessed by a t-test
D
I can prove to you
E A E/G# F#m D A E/G# F#m D
I love you

[Verse 2]
A F#m
Yes, I have evidence that you have got a crush
D E
The autonomic nervous system doesn’t lie
A F#m
Your dermal capillaries dilate and you start to blush
D E
And our pupil size correlation is extremely high
A F#m
Your curves don’t have a normal distribution
D E
And your eyes are in the top ten percentile rank
A F#m
Come with me and you will see my logical conclusion
D E
A love that is statistically significant

[Chorus 2]
A E/G# F#m D
You love me more than my control group
A E/G# F#m D
Cause you see when we meet your heart goes boop, boop, boop
A C#/G# D Bm7
And your pulse rate accelerates when we’re on a date
D E A
You must agree: You love me

[Bridge]
D F#m
I look into your eyes and think of decimals of pi
Bm/D A
And playing with your open spreadsheets makes me high
D F#m
And now my hard y-axis grows and reaches up to ten
Bm E
And touches my x-axis until we come to origin

[Final Chorus]
A E/G# F#m D
I love you and we have the evidence
A E/G# F#m D
Other people’s love can be a coincidence
A C#/G#
They want flowers but we want
D Bm7
Hard statistical power
D
It’s the best breakthrough
E A
I love you
E/G# F#m D
And no one can doubt it
A E/G# F#m D
We can shout loud that we’re in love and proud
A C#/G#
We have proofs in stacks
D Bm7
And no alternative facts
D
I can prove to you
E A E/G# F#m
That I love you
D A E/G# F#m
That I love you
D A E/G# F#m
That I love you
D A E/G# F#m D A
That I love you… (fade out)