theres good reason these tables are numbered honey you just havent though of it yet

Tom : D
{VERSE 1}
D C
Please leave all overcoats, canes and tophats
F
with the doorman. From that moment
B
you'll be by yourself and underdressed.
A
I'm wrecking this evening already and
B
loving every minute of it.
C B A
Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring end.
D
(hammer/palm mute)
When you're in black slacks with accentuating off white
C C B A
pinstripes, whoa oh. Everything goes
A G F D
A cord ing to plan.
D C
I'm the new cancer, never looked better
F B
you can't stand it.
B B
And you say so under your breath
A A
you're reading lips "when did he get all confident?"
*Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
*I've never looked better and you can't stand it.
Transition: B B B B A A {X}
{VERSE 2}
*Next is a trip to the the ladies' room in vain and,
*I bet you just can't keep up with, with fashionistas and
*Tonight, tonight, you are, you are a whispering campaign
*I bet to them your name is cheap, I bet to them you look like shhh...
D C
Talk to the mirror. Oh, choke back tears!
B
And keep tellin' yourself that:
*"I'm a diva."
D C
Oh and the smokes in that cigarette box
F B
on the table they just so happened to be
B
A B B B {X} A
laced with ni tro gly ce rin
{Repeat: "I'm the new cancer"}
{BRIDGE} (slow strum)
D C F B
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer
B A D
I've never looked better and you can't stand it.
{OUTRO}
D C
And i know, and i know, it just doesn't feel like
F B
a night out with no one sizing you up.
B A
I've never been so surreptitious so of course
D D
I'll be distracted when I spike the punch.